AQiL'S BLOG

2010-08-30T19:12:00.005-06:00

Project Noor (day one) This is a project that will help solidify a theory presented to me by Rameez Virji within the context of the Islamic faith. I will finding Qur'anic verses that, in my opinion, confirm what science has already taught us about the energy in our universe. As I progress farther along in research, I'm sure findings will become more intricate, but for now, I will stick to the basics. I'm sure this will work out great. Bismillah. Fatiha 1:2 "Praise be to Allah, the cherisher and sustainer of the worlds." It's fairly obvious that without an energy source, nothing would have ever happened. Fatiha 1:4 "Master of the Day of Judgment." No matter what your end of days theory is, it heavely relies on a fluctuation of energy. Baqara 2:15 When people don't believe in Allah "...they will wander like blind ones (to and fro)." Without electromagnetic energy, you pretty much are blind. I know, that's a bit of a stretch (a lot of these are). Baqara 2:20 "...for God hath power over all things." Self-explanitory. After talking a bit about how Allah has created everything, He is then compared to fire. Baqara 2:28 "...And He gave you life; Then will He cause you to die; And will bring you to life..." Of course organic energy is the essence of life (in a physical form). This dividing factor between an organism and other sorts of matter can, possibly be what a soul is; an unexplained energy in a combination of matter. Of course, when the organism dies, the energy leaves it. But, since energy cannot be destroyed, where does it go? "...And again to Him will ye return." Baqara 2:50 In reference to the story of Moses "And remember We divided the Sea for you..." There was a recent (okay, like a few years ago, so not that recent) experiment that was conducted after satellite images revealed an underwater sandbar that stretched across the Red Sea. The small-scale experiment proved that, with fast enough wind, the water would appear to part on top of the sandbar, lapping and the lower edges. This could make a feasible land bridge that's dry enough to walk across. And with God being the energy that blows the wind, it's not unlikely that he "saved you, And drowned the Pharaoh's people within your very sight." Here's the video (sorry that it's on MySpace, but you get the point) It tries to explain the whole Exodus story. Baqara 2:55 "'...we see God manifestly'...With thunder and lightning." This explains that God can present himself in many forms of tangible (although you probably don't want to touch it) energy, such as sound (thunder) electricity (lightning) electromagnetic (lightning), etc. Okay, children, that's enough for today. I'll post more soon.

2010-08-30T15:29:00.003-06:00

It's not every day when an idea comes around that changes the way we look at the world around us (okay, almost every day). But, what's really special is the ideas that connect things that were once believed to be incompatible. Like two puzzle pieces that you know should go together, but they both have outies, and outies don't go together, you need an outy and an inny. But, then you find that piece that has innies on both sides and it fits right in between the other two. And there's this brief moment of jubilation when you can finally connect the pieces before you begin to question why this picture has so much sky, and if that's really appropriate for a puzzle labelled 6+. But I digress.
The point is that about a year ago, I made a comparison from something spiritual to something scientifical. I didn't think much of it at first, but more recently, I revised the idea. And, at the time, it made all the sense in the world (assuming ancient peoples were not the brightest). But then? Someone came along with a strikingly similar idea, save for his made the assumption that ancient peoples were smarter even then we are (and they had a healthy dose of divine intervention. Also, his made more sense on a universal scale.
He said (in more or less words): According to the second law of thermodynamics, energy cannot be created or destroyed. That means that there's a set amount of energy in the universe. Now, let's call that definite amount of energy Allah. [at this point, I was like "Holy! I get it now!" but he kept going] Wouldn't that explain a lot? Like "Allah created life," and without energy, there would be no life. "Allah is everywhere," energy is everywhere. "Allah does not have a definite form" neither does energy. You can probably see where I'm going with this.
But, when it comes to defining a religion, you can't only rely on things that make sense. So, I've made it my personal project to go through the Qur'an (and if I have time, some other Abrahamic holy texts) and point out things that verify this theory.

*Just an important note: This whole theory was not the one that I came up with. It was brought to my attention by Rameez Virji, but I intend to prove, through a preexisting religious context, it's fluidity.

2010-08-29T22:46:00.001-06:00

Okay, so this morning, I had this awesome idea for a blog post that's like "Stuff girls don't know about guys" that was going to be this profound, society-shaking thing. And I planned out what I was going to write, and it was brilliant.
I don't remember it anymore.
Maybe next time...

2010-08-23T16:05:00.004-06:00

Y'know about those people that killed themselves over the movie Avatar? When they went to the movies, they saw a beautiful (and very realistic) world. Of course, it's not real world, and you can't live there. Apparently, this fact was too much for them. They looked at Pandora: a gorgeous landscape with whole sorts of biodiversity, everything in surreal colours, and of course the symbiotic relationship between the inhabitants and the habitat; then looked at our world: dark, dismal, pessimistic, only a shadow of nature, everyone here's self centred and destroys anything they can to get where they want to be (to an extent). And these people decided that they would rather live on Pandora, than on Earth (a reasonable decision). But, since Pandora does not exist, they figured it would be better to just not live on Earth. So they killed themselves.
I bring this up because I feel that, to a certain extent, I was gypped out of my Pandora of sorts. When I went to Horizons al-Ummah this past summer, I made a new family. A family that is significantly better than the one I already had. And we lived in a community, again, better than this one. And even though I didn't talk to everyone all that often, I felt like a had a connection with everyone, and everyone had a connection with everyone. But now that it's over, we've all gone back to our respective cities, and I feel that I'm really far away. More or less, most everyone at that camp came from either Toronto, Vancouver, Calgary, or Edmonton. And, when they go back home, they can keep (if they want to) their connections to everyone in their respective cities, more or less. But, being from the States (about a thousand miles from the closest city where my Ummah lives) I feel like I was kicked out of the loop. And, honestly, I'm probably going to never see these people ever again. And as much as it does to hope, and dream that I can go to Vancouver, or Ottawa, or Toronto again, I know that it's not going to happen. And it's just a terrible feeling.

2010-08-21T00:33:00.002-06:00

For anyone who knows me, you know i'm a huge fan of analogies. I find that they make complex (or misconstrued) ideas more clear. So, here's my analogy for this situation:
I am a tight-rope walker. When I first learned how to tight-rope walk (let's say about three years ago) I was shaky and scared, I could barely stay on the rope. But at least I had a safety net to catch me if I fell. As the years progressed, I refined my skills. I got more comfortable on the rope. I started doing riskier moves knowing that if I fell, my safety net would catch me. Now, since I've been doing tricks and stuff, I'm a bit wobbly. I've stumbled and caught myself, but I've yet to fall. And then, more recently, I was informed that my 'safety net' was no more than a design painted on the floor. I got scared again. I'd only gotten comfortable knowing that I wouldn't fall to far, that if I messed up, something would catch me. I retreated to the fear that I had when I first stepped onto the rope. I took extra precautions not to fall and, in doing so, I lost the skills that I had built up, I lost my flair.
That's why I'm writing these, so that I can work towards getting myself back on the rope, and doing things that I only could do knowing that I couldn't get hurt.
I realize that it seems kind of self centred to write about my problems and post them for the world to see, and for that I apologize. But, the point of this is to get my story out of my system, and that's not something that I can do with a private journal, or something I want to do verbally. So, if you have read these, I thank you for your patience and your caring. But if you haven't, that's more than okay, too. God bless, and good night.

2010-08-19T20:11:00.002-06:00

At around the same time as that dream (see previous post), I began feeling depressed and when school started, it only got worse. For example, on the first day of school, I got laughed at for being, of all things, Ismaili. Not a good way to start off high school. So, as the year progressed, I tried to make new friends, but I also isolated myself. I began to push away some of my closest friends and stay reserved. I spent (and still spend) a lot of my time just wandering around outside letting my mind explore itself. I found that I would get off at the wrong bus stop, or even take the wrong bus, just to have a longer walk home. I couldn't live with myself. Everything that I saw turned into another option to end my life with. Instead of walking on the sidewalks, I would walk on the curb, so I could feel the wind off the cars. One step off, and I would be done. None of my friends new what was going on except one, but she wasn't real. Alysha stayed beside me, a figment of my own imagination, reminding me of who I was. I wasn't some depressed kid, I was the crazy, funny kid. But often times, even her attempts were futile. But she stayed with me. She'd pull me back from the street if I got too close, she'd remind me to smile when I tuned out my friends at school. I could tell her what I was feeling and she wouldn't judge me for it.
But one night, my mind got the best of me. Mom and dad had spent the afternoon yelling at my brothers, and each other. That's not particularly uncommon, but I hate it every time they do it. Late that night, after everyone had gone to sleep. I got out of bed, my pillow still wet from tears, and I went out the front door. I walked down to the pedestrian bridge that straddles the highway. The gate there was locked, so people couldn't get to the outside of the bridge. I leaned on the gate for a while. I had been planning this for a while: climb outside the bridge, say a prayer, and jump. If the fall didn't kill me, the cars would. But Alysha was there (still in my mind) and she reminded me of just how imaginary she was. She told me to remember my family, remember my friends. To think about how this will affect them, how sad it'll make them. About the people that have to clean the streets, the people who'd have lawsuits and car damages from hitting a corpse. She told me how inconvenient my death would be on people that I don't know and how devistating it would be on those who I do know. And, if you know me at all, you'll know how much I hâte inconveniencing people. Then she reminded me of my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations. She reminded me of my unmet goals. After a while, I wiped the tears from my face and walked down the stairs and back home. The next day at school, I talked to no one and kept my head down. It took at least a week before I even smiled again.
People look at me now, and they see a happy, joke-filled, creative, smart boy. But that's only after I taught myself to keep my feelings to my self, hiding them from my friends, my parents, even Alysha. But, since the end of last school year, bits and pieces have been slipping out. My emotional baggage has a tear. So I just figured that now is as good a time as any to just let it all out.

2010-08-18T21:05:00.002-06:00

Okay, this has been bothering me for too long, and it's high time that I wrote it down. You may have noticed that I've kinda been "out of it" recently and this is why. Three years ago (in the summer of 2007) I had this dream. Nothing abnormal about that, just that I remember that dream more than any other dream that I've had, and for about a year after that first dream, I've had the same one over and over. And even after that, I've had dreams with the same person (which I will explain later).

So, it starts of in UBC in the basement of some building. Alysha and I are hanging out in some extracurricular group. The group is playing a spin-the-bottle-seven-minutes-in-heaven-type game. My turn comes up, and I spin it. It lands on Alysha. We both go into the closet (which is some sort of storage closet because there's high shelves with books). In the closet, we both agree that the game is dumb (because we're already, although secretly, married). And after the realization that we have a math test soon, I help her climb out of the small window near the ceiling (because it's a basement). I climb out after her and we start to walk back to the dorms. I'm carrying a black messenger bag, and she has her small purse (if you've met her, you'll know what I'm talking about).
As it turns out, it's bad to cheat at that game, especially with that group. The next morning, we find our faces plastered on signs and bulletin boards all over campus, labelling us as cheaters and the like. So, we decide to leave. We consider going to Alysha's parents house, but decide that it's not the best idea because that's still in Vancouver. So instead (this is another weird part) we drive twelve hours to Calgary, to stay with my brothers. By the time we get there, they're both already asleep, so I let us in. And we talk a little bit in the kitchen while sipping milk and eating cookies.
The next morning, the phone rings. My brothers are still asleep, so I answer the phone. It's my cousin, she's calling because she needs a ride home from the Chinook Centre. So Alysha (who's also awake) and I get in my oldest brother's car and go to pick her up. When my cousin gets in the car, she starts criticizing my brother for bringing his "whores" with him again, not realizing that it's not my brother driving. I just laugh and introduce Alysha and that's more or less where the dream ends.
As the years went by after this dream, I began having different dreams, learning more about this Alysha person, for example, there's one where we and two friends are performing a dance to the remix of "Mehndi Laga Ke Rakhna" and she's wearing this bright red outfit, etc...

Now, like any dream, there's certain ties to reality. Unfortunately, these ties materialized years after the dream. And as these unfurl now, I find myself very confused.
These are some comparisons that I can draw now, and I'm sure more will show up in the near future. There is, of course, Alysha. When I met her for the first time, I thought she looked familiar, as if I'd met her before. And as I got to know her, I found that she is exactly like the Alysha that I had seen in my dreams. She has the same "bubbly" personality, loves Bollywood movies, has the same mannerisms, like the colour red, etc. Also, both my brothers are moving to Calgary in a few weeks. One of them already lives in Southern Calgary, and the other is going to be going to school in Southern Calgary, but they're both moving to North Calgary, into the same house they were living in in the first dream.

2010-05-10T21:27:00.003-06:00

“I’m Forever Young” I had high expectations for the poetry performance. Actually, “expectations” is not the right word. It was more like hope, but with no support for the idea. I thought that I may fare well with the performance, but I had very little practise with the poem. I had read it about three times, each hastily and without regard to flow, etc. As I sat in class listening to the other poems, I took note (mentally if not on the peer evaluations) of things that I liked and didn’t like about each of the performances before mine. I figured that I would be able to take what I had learned from the other students and apply it to my practise last night, resulting in a better performance today. Of course, my name was called earlier than I had anticipated. So, I was not only vastly under prepared, but also startled at the fact that my time had suddenly run out. When I went to the front of the classroom, my entire body was shaking. I ventured a joke to lighten the tension, but that didn’t help me. As the class grew quiet in front of me, I grew more nervous. I held the quavering paper in front of me. Forcing a smile, I introduced the poem: Young Forever by Shawn Carter. The title alone caused an anxious shudder through the class. It made my heart race. I could hear the giggles as those who recognised the song shared their findings with those around them. In my inverse hesitation, I began. My choice of poem was a difficult one. In the library, I scanned through as many as seven poetry books, each more futile than the last. I couldn’t find a single poem that I could understand, let alone relate to. But I was persistent; I read compilations of emotion, death, travel, everything and anything, but nothing really spoke to me. I have always been able to relate myself to music. There’s always a song in my mind. It would have been relatively easy to find a song (which is essentially a poem with music) from my vast library, save for one restriction: the poem must be by an American. Most of my music comes from India, where immaculate articulation merges with melodious language to make any poem a jewel. I needed to find an American song that I could still relate to. I went to the two hundred fifty-three songs that I have with a significant amount of English in them and pressed “Shuffle.” It took a while to find any song that I could relate to. Most of them just sounded cool. Finally, I heard the flowing cellos of a newly downloaded Jay-Z song. When the words started, I was immediately transported into the depths of my memories. Nothing spectacular, but the simple memories: the ones I keep the most of. Images of my friends, myself, and various settings. It was then that I realised that my life is over. It was the same feeling I had when I wrote the essay for the Great Gatsby quote. My recent life has been rapidly faltering. There was a time where I knew that I couldn’t carry on. It was then (and still today) that I know that my life is at its peak. Anything that happens after these years won’t be an improvement. “Let us die young, or let us live forever.” But, even though my life is in emotional ruins at this time. It’s not a hundred percent terrible. There are those small moments where I can truly forget my problems and charge life head-on, embracing fun and laughing. Those are the moments I cherish. I keep them in my heart and mind, playing them back to myself when the present becomes too much. “that last a whole lifetime/ and it never ends/ Because all we have to do is hit rewind.”

2010-04-26T20:28:00.002-06:00

Prom.
Prom, prom, prom, prom, prom, prom. According to Disney channel, it's the most important moment in any high school-er's life; something that should not be screwed up in any case. Needless to say, Monarch High is not a school on Disney channel. None of the students can secretly sing, and the underdog is not going to be prom queen. And most of all, it's something that I screwed up. Aida, who shouldn't be going to prom anyway (because she's a freshman), made it painfully obvious that dinner was too early. Although the only reason I scheduled it for 5:30 (a reasonable dinner time) is because she wanted to see the animals in the zoo. The road there was not the smoothest. And for someone that freaks out easily, that's a big deal, with each and every bump. When we got to the zoo, the only other people from our school that were there were teachers with their children. We tried our best to see all the animals that we wanted to (we had made a list before even knowing about prom) but many of them, especially lemurs and penguins, had already been taken out of their exhibits. It was also very cold at the zoo. As soon as the sun fell below the horizon (something that we wanted to, but couldn't watch) the temperature dropped like a rock out of an airplane. As the dance started, more and more drunk people began to arrive. In an effort to avoid them, as well as see more animals, we went toward "Tropical Discovery." Along the way, Aida received a phone call from one of her friends; they wanted to hang out. Aida told him no, but I still felt bad, as if I were taking her away from her life. All the while, some leopard or whatever was pacing back and forth growling at us. We continued on our way. Then Aida got tired, so we sat on a nearby bench and began to look at the stars. I don't know what it is, but Aida seems like she's always tired. Maybe she works too hard, I don't know. But after a few minutes of sleeping, she fell asleep. A few minutes after that, she woke up, claimed she wasn't tired, and fell asleep again. While she was asleep, a few hordes of drunk teenagers passed by, with their hooting and whistling and whatnot.
By the time we got back to the dance part, we were both chilled to the bone, so we sat down and drank some hot chocolate. There, we were joined by Charlie B, some one that I hadn't seen for months and Aida hadn't seen forever. And Ethan. After the drinks, we went to the dance floor. We didn't so much dance, as not bump into people. That didn't last more than a minute. After that, we just talked for a few minutes. And then we headed off to After-Prom. We didn't spend much time at after-prom, but while we were there, we were over-dressed. We stayed for a few minutes, lost a hundred dollars in Texas Hold 'em, and had to rush out the door to make curfew.
Sure prom was magical, but it wasn't what I expected. It wasn't at all. If I could re-do it, I totally would, and fix everything that I screwed up. But I can't do that. All I can do is wallow in a neck-deep pit of regret, and hastily grasp the thinning vine of good memories. And I'm sorry, I truly am, for making Aida's first prom one to forget.

2010-04-21T21:27:00.002-06:00

I think my terrible week is beginning to lift. I crammed the announcement-editing in this morning. Had a relatively uneventful day. Except for when Mrs. Howard was pissed. That pretty much just ruined the rest of the day. She was yelling at us about something that she assumed happened. People were talking in class while Mrs. DiRosa (something that happens, even when Mrs. Howard was teaching) and she was super pissed. I took that opportunity to start reading that book-club book: Deadline. That book is pretty interesting. After school, we presented announcements. The teachers liked it for the most part (as in there was nothing that they said they didn't like). After that, Ethan and I hung out because Aaron and Jacob had to return to their all-important screen-staring. While we were hanging out, I checked to see if my bike returned to the bike rack; it didn't. But Ethan suggested that we check the bike rack and the K-8. At first, I was sceptical, but I went along because I was bored. In the bike rack of the K-8, I saw a blue bike with a pouch under the seat, and the right grip was missing and the left grip was about to come off. It was my bike. So, I ended up riding that home. The gear shifter was broken, and the front tire a little flat, but it's nothing that I haven't fixed before. And my day started looking up after that.

2010-04-20T21:47:00.004-06:00

So, where I left off in the last one. After sixth period, I rode my bike home to grab the camera stuff for video announcements (something that I didn't know was happening until Monday morning). I don't think I ever rode uphill faster before. I also almost got hit by a mini van and pickup truck, right after I had texted Aida telling her that I'd be safe. When I got home, mom was pissed. "Why are you home at two?" she shouted. "What classes are you missing?" I stayed as quiet as I could, grabbed the camera bag and zebra and went back to school. At about two fifteen, I made it back to school. I relaxed (and rehydrated) until class was over, and then went to film. That didn't go over too well. We finished the video for ACT, and... nope... that's the only one we finished. That took a few hours. At about 5:45 we stopped filming so as to not cut into Jacob's "Call of Duty" time (because that's a priority). And that's about the time that I realised that my bike was gone. I spent the next about twenty minutes repeatedly calling my mom's, dad's, and house phone until someone would answer. I saw Aida riding in circles next to the school just after I reached my dad. So she heard what I said on the phone. But that was the least of my worries for the time being. As it were, Aida was having some troubles of her own. For her sake, I'll not mention them here, I think she just needed some time to think. So, we talked for a while, and I tried to look for my bike. No luck. Then my dad came and Aida went home. Dad was pissed about the whole bike thing, so I came home and, forgetting homework, went straight to sleep. Forgetting homework turned out to be a bad idea, because today, in LA, we had a reading quiz over two chapters; one of which I had read half of. After school, we filmed more announcements, we finished the air-band one and that' s about it. After a lot of nothing-doing, Aaron and Jacob informed us that we were cutting into their Call of Duty/Farmville time. So I hung out with Nikki for another half-hour until my dad got there and we went to Khane. But after Khane, things got worse. My dad and mom got mad that I was helping people in school. And things escalated, when, angrily, I accidentally informed them of my suicidal-ness. Dad's reaction was a mixture between "it's against our religion" and "remember your uncle" (an uncle that I didn't know). Mom's reaction wasn't much better: she took a course on dealing with this kind of thing, like that helps. And she wanted to "talk" about it. I didn't want to. So I tried to make her go away, and that kinda failed. I think she's signing me up for counselling. We'll see. Hopefully, things will look up tomorrow. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

2010-04-20T21:05:00.002-06:00

Sorry, I didn't post yesterday. A lot happened, but as soon as I came home, I fell a sleep and never got around to any homework, or anything. So I'll start off with that. I went to school, I was tired, so I didn't really look as happy as I usually do. And then things started to go down hill. I got no work done in US History. I couldn't finish the project that was due in Video Production. Math was a joke (we did the exact thing that I had finished on Friday). I didn't have my homework for LA. French sucked. At lunch I realised that I had made a terrible mistake on Friday with that note that I gave to Aida (apparently, I love you is not something that I can say). But there was an underlying meaning to that not, one that I couldn't quite get across to Aida when I was talking to her. But it's something that I hope I can articulate here. I'm pro'lly going to word this as if I was talking to her, because that's really what I really wanted to do in the first place, but for whatever reason, I can't. (You know what, this is pro'lly gonna take up the rest of this. I'll talk about the rest of everything in the next one.) So, you probably don't know this, but my life has never really been all that happy. So saying that I love you more than it is, although it sounds otherwise, not all that significant. I've always had hopes and dreams, everybody does, and they're always out of reach. Like, I can get my grades up, I can work harder, I can be a happier person, I can talk to her, etc. Always out of reach. So you could imagine when a dream comes true, no matter what that dream is, one would be ecstatic. And that's exactly what this is; this relationship, the whole you/me thing. It's a dream come true. So, yes, I was rash in writing the note, but if you've known me as long as I have, then it would make sense. I'm sorry, Aida, I truly am, and I don't really know what else I can say to make it better....

2010-04-18T22:33:00.002-06:00

My started started off relatively average. I went to BUI and made another tasbhi. I made one for Adil, it has black beads and a duck. I don't know why it has a duck, but it looks cool, so... yeah. After BUI, I got stuck in a LOT of traffic on my way to the Museum of Nature and Science. I enjoyed my time at the museum, significantly more so than last time. I tried to make an attempt to learn something, but I guess I was just too distracted. Y'see, I went with Aida's family (well, not so much her family, rather just her and her parents) and it went better than I had previously anticipated. Her dad is, as they say at school, "Legit Funny." And there wasn't any interrogation, which was good, not that I wasn't prepared. And he told me to take good care of his daughter, which was expected. But it kinda shows maybe a trust that he has of me, which is always helpful. But, overall, I had a wonderful time with Aida. And, aside from her coughing, which worried me a lot, she was all smiles. She seemed happy, so I'm happy. On the way to the restaurant, and home after that, she was singing along to her iPod. And I was amazed at her voice. Amazed, not surprised, not surprised at all, I knew she had a great voice, I'd just never heard it. And when she sang, my heart melted and my brain did a backflip out of my skull, and I was transported to a magical far away land. I loved every moment of it.

2010-04-15T16:40:00.002-06:00

He had run it through his head. Practised over and over. He knew exactly what he was going to say. He would play it off like something he was coming up with on the spot. "Um, so," he would say, twisting his fingers into each other and averting his eyes. "I kinda get the feeling that you aren't being completely honest with me," he would say. She would look at him through here glittering, brown eyes, her smile quickly fading. "I've noticed that you seem to be making a conscientious effort of making this relationship work." There were some big words, but she was smart. What else could he say. "You know that I love you," he might add, to let the previous words sink in, to give context.
He had run it through his head. Repeated it to himself so much that he could sing it. He wrote the lyrics in his mind. Maybe he could sing it to her. Oh, how she longed for him to sing to her, and how he didn't. He couldn't. But maybe this time he would. Just to help her regain her smile. Oh, that smile he loved so much.
He had run it through his head. And there she sat before him. He approached her slowly, cautiously. He placed his hand on hers and she smiled, that beautiful smile that made his heart melt. Her eye's glowed. Her skin was soft. He began to tremble; he had to do this, he had worked too hard to give up. He leaned forward, looking deep past her eyes. He opened his mouth slowly to speak.
"I love you," was all he could say. She continued to smile. "I love you, too," she replied. He smiled, but only ever so slightly. He cast his eyes to the floor. He had failed. All he wanted to do was talk to her, tell her what was on his mind. She kissed his forehead softly. He decided that he wanted her to be happy. He would take his concerns and hide them away, just like he's always done. He looked up again. The sun caught the edges of her hair and made her glow. He smiled. She her happiness made her more beautiful, and he didn't want to take that away.
He had run it through his head. But her smile turned him away from it.

2010-04-14T20:55:00.002-06:00

Today was interesting. This morning, my alarm didn't go off. I ended up sleeping until about six thirty. I woke up and got ready as fast as possible, but even then I didn't leave the house until seven fifteen-ish. Dad drove slowly to school. When I got there, I apologised to Aida for being late. But Aaron and Ethan weren't there, so we couldn't film anything. And when they did show up, they were way too distracted to get anything done aside from about 30 seconds of video (I'll post the final product if we ever finish it). After that, the day was just stressful. We rushed to get some last minute chroma key in, that's not done. Ms. DiRosa was pissed at our class today, so that didn't work out too will. In chemistry, we did a lab that involved dripping some acid into a base until the solution turned purple. After four attempts (of watching a bunch of drops falling into a beaker one at a time, turning purple, then disappearing) I finally, and barely, got it right. By that time, I didn't have time to finish the rest of the calculations. Then I got home and faced a tsunami of homework. I pushed through it, with a little time to spare. With that time, I found an amazing Mashup on YouTube... Now, I'm just tired and bored and really want something extraordinary to happen...wishful thinking...

2010-04-13T20:26:00.003-06:00

This morning, I went to school. I couldn't find Aida anywhere, not in the halls, not by her locker, nothing. So, I got really worried. I hoped and prayed that she would at least be in French class (the only class we share) and lo, there she was. Things started looking up after that, not that they were terrible before (aside from Aida being gone, I was really happy... like dance around happy). The wind picked up, so I decided to fly my kite, but it was really fast and we couldn't get it off the ground, but we still enjoyed the wind. Since I like the wind more than any other kind of weather, I decided to get off the bus at a different stop and walk home. When I got home, I was confronted by my mother, and Infinite Campus. My mom was pissed that I was passing all my classes (God forbid). So, I heard about that for a while, from both mother and father. And that pretty much ruined my day. I was trying to be optimistic about raising my grades ('cuz this is junior year, the one that counts), but they just crumpled that up and threw it out the door. So I started up really happy, like beyond happy, and then came crashing down. Thank you parents for ruining my day. Hopefully it's better tomorrow. I guess we'll see.

2010-04-10T16:40:00.003-06:00

I've never been the most... how do I say this... stable person. And back in grade nine, I fell far. I completely crashed and went suicidal. But, as the school year progressed, I worked on my problems and by the end of the year I had begun to work on my solution: get rid of my emotions. So, I worked on that over the summer, distancing myself from friends, etc. And by the time I got to school in grade 10, it was done. I had gotten rid of my emotions, or rather, they didn't effect me anymore. And life was great and I was content. My grades got better, my friends were happier, and I didn't have to worry about sadness, or anger or anything like that. Life was good, and I didn't mind not being particularly happy. Fast forward to the beginning of this (my grade eleven) year. I was good with keeping up what I have done last year. So I was walking through school, going from class to class with a half-smile on my face. I got to period five, French Class, a class that I don't particularly like, and I saw this girl. I thought "Oh, she's pretty." But, because of some residual self esteem issues, I didn't think about it too much. Unfortunately, that didn't last long. We soon became friends, introduced by a sister of a friend of mine (who's also her friend). As as we grew closer, I noticed that I was getting happier. But I also noticed some of the sadness creeping in. But I tried to ignore it again because I wanted to be happy, who doesn't? So I spent more time with her, and the more I was with her, the happier I felt. It was great. But then, out of nowhere, bad feelings (for lack of a better word) popped up and started attacking. Now, I'm practically depressed again, and the only thing keeping me going is this girl. And that bad stuff, let's call it "minusity" for now, started messing with everything that I that I am: my grades went down, some of my friends started backing away, and I got all this weird, crippling pain all over. And I've reached this conundrum. I want to be happy, and when I'm with this girl (she's my girlfriend, now) I'm happy-I'm beyond happy. But most of the time I'm feeling terrible, this "minusity" is digging me a hole. So I feel like I have to go back to what I was doing before, what with the no emotions, the only problem is I really, really don't want to.

2009-12-30T13:19:00.002-07:00

Disney is the pinnacle of what life should be all about: magic, wonder, and child-like innocence. It brings together both young and old in a timeless and exciting realm of wonder and joy. Disney appeals to any and every demographic, whether it is by remaking a movie in sixty-five different languages, or adding subliminal messages that lures in creeps from far and wide. Although we can often find (and blatantly point out) many of Disney’s shortcomings, such as the obvious racism of their small world, we find that there is still a connection to our inner child that just wants to run from ride to ride in Disneyland and hug the guys in the character costume and forget completely about all the problems that we had faced just prior to stepping past that big, flowery face of the Mouse that we always have, and always will hold in our hearts. It is almost impossible to think any negative thoughts (except those toward the malicious Disney villains) while in the company of the full-hearted, Technicolor memories of our youth. If only they could make it cheaper…

2009-12-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

2009-12-06T23:40:00.001-07:00

The Terrorist

The Terrorist by Caroline B. Cooney is a compelling story about the biases each of us face in our lives and how they affect our judgment, for better or for worse. In the story, Laura’s brother Billy is killed by a bomb handed to him by a terrorist. She tries to fight through her emotions while attempting to solve the mystery of who killed her brother and why they would do something like that. She learns that her new friend Jehran had arranged Billy’s death to steal his passport and run away to America to start a new life away from the arranged marriage that her brother was forcing her into.

Oh, no! Did I just spoil the ending? I am so sorry. And you are also welcome. Since I ruined this book for you, you shouldn’t be tempted to read it. Now why, you may ask, should I not read this book? Because it is cornier than animated Disney movies, short stories written by elementary school students, fan-art drawn by people who love to see their favorite Japanese characters wearing as little clothes and as big of breasts as possible, and Twilight combined. Yes, it is that bad.

And what helps the book become the travesty that it is? ‘Tis the delicate combination predictable plotline, transparent characters, and, of course, a heroic, melancholy ending that taught the main character something that somehow always and never knew about herself.

Being a male, I fell inclined to point out that this book was not written for our kind. Had I been more wary, I would have realized that the crazy look in the author’s eyes in her photograph on the jacket was a telling sign that my eyes should never flow over the words restrained inside. If you must read this book, for whatever reason (and you also happen to be a guy) you can find solace in the fact that in the beginning of chapter sixteen, there is a bitch-fight, and in the beginning of chapter fifteen, Caroline B. Cooney pokes fun at stroke victims.

On a more technical note, the style of writing seems as though the author is inexperienced in the art of storytelling, but there is little other evidence to prove my point because Caroline B. Cooney has written fifty books (which, may I point out, I do not care to read) and received two awards for another one of her books that is probably about terrorists. This goes to show that, either I posses the literarily analytical excellence of first grader, or The Terrorist was not one of Caroline B. Cooney’s best works.

Let’s change the topic now to character consistency. Billy, the main character that doesn’t make it out of chapter one alive, gets blown up (hence, not making it out of chapter one alive). Billy, as Caroline B. Cooney implies, is a very entertaining eleven year old. He is adventurous, as portrayed by his vast collections of things that people wouldn’t normally collect (such as bricks). And on the subject of bricks, he was also kind of self-centered; he took the bricks from the building sites with little regard to the workers’ supply levels. He also sold things that his grandmother had given to him to people to make an unfair profit. Yet, for whatever reason, he hugged a bomb to save the lives of people that he doesn’t know.

I somehow don’t find it likely that a boy, who has lived in his own dream world for most of his life, would throw his life away for a whim. There was little evidence that the package was a bomb, only that it would help the story. The only reason Billy did what he did was because he remembered how other people reacted to terrorism.

2009-11-02T21:08:00.007-07:00

Yahoo Answers refutations: here
I asked the online community to find beliefs that I can't refute. Here are the ones I can:
JONNY BAGBY GATSBY!: 1 is a symbol that represents a singular quantity, if the singularity of the symbol was being calculated, then 1+1 would equal 11.
rage_against_the_obama99: God hates me. He reads my thoughts and hopes for the future and deliberately changes the course of the future in the opposite of my favour. He has also dumped me in an emotionally turmoiled world.
Jared M: the primates that we evolved from are not the same as the primates that are around today. The primates that are around today evolved from the same primates that we evolved from, we just evolved differently.
BibleChooser: First of all, I'm trying to be as logical as possible. But I don't exist, you may think I do because you believe that I posted this question and this blog. But, I could be someone else.
Mr.K: ...I don't get it...
jonz: fix your grammar and maybe I will. If you mean Islam, then I say to you: Islam is wrong because God doesn't exist. Muhammad was getting high off hashish in the cave and came down to preach to a city full of people that were too doubtful of their own idols that they actually believed him.
Redundant Mariah is Axolotl: I'm a whatnow? And when I say anything, I mean nothing... It's just a common turn of phrase.
PatrickW: The energy to which you refer is actually a singularity of particles left over since the destruction of the previous universe. I think we're on number five now.
Meka: Okay, this is going to be a fun one...God cannot have children, he is an entity, not a person. The cross wasn't terrible; it was sturdy enough to hold a man for days on end with little other support and without breaking. Jesus didn't save me, I wasn't in existence two-thousand years ago (and in case you missed the memo, neither have you). Jesus was crucified because he was a prophet of God, but he didn't die on the cross. God just took his soul to give back to him later. Jesus' sin, on the other hand, was not taking care of the body which God gave him. I don't know what a NIV Bible is. And, if you read your bible (namely the book of revelation) you would know that Jesus is coming back, not with heaven, but with fire in his eyes and a sword in his hand.
Sargento D'Primo: God made us in his image, but there's nothing said about God having a man-like image. God doesn't have a definite shape: he is everywhere and can take any form. So let's think, what could we have evolved from that doesn't have a definite shape? Ooh! I know! Cells. and since God created initial life, we've had a billion years to evolve into whatever he wants us to look like.

2009-09-20T22:05:00.002-06:00

God's Big Bang Scientists currently believe that the entire universe was (6.something billion years ago) in, what they call, a singularity. That is to say, it was very very very VERY small. And then it rapidly expanded. That's kinda where it stops, though. In school, this is what they teach us, and they expect us to believe it without telling us why. So, I've decided to put forth a new theory. What if (and this is purely hypothetical) what if the universe was not compressed into that singularity? What if the universe was was there, in it's full size and grandeur, with all the solar systems and stuff, but it was in zero dimensions? So that when it became three dimensions, it seemed to happen quickly because time hadn't started yet. Then after that, things stopped being instant because time separated it all out. What do you think of that?

2009-07-23T01:37:00.004-06:00

My comments on the first six days of anything according to the Bible...enjoy: "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth" I'm assuming "heavens" includes everything in the night sky, too. "Now the earth was formless and empty," Much Like all the other planets in their youth. "Darkness was over the surface of the deep," Probably from the surrounding cloud of astro-dust that would soon form the Earth's crust. "and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." so now there's waters... "And God said, 'Let there be light,'" And your mom moved out of the way... "And there was light. God saw that the light was good," It's rich in vitamin C. "And he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light 'day,' and the darkness he called the darkness 'night.' And there was evening, and there was morning-the first day." I have trouble with this passage because even before the Earth, or any part of it, existed, there was light. And when it finally came around, there was already patterns of light and dark on the surface. And, if morning, evening, and night already passed, then it would be the second day... "And God said, 'let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." Who is God talking to? "So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse" Oceans "From the water above it." Clouds? "And it was so. God called the expanse 'sky.' And there was evening, and there was morning-the second day." And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.'" Assuming that the Earth has one ocean. "And it was so. God called the dry ground 'land,' and god saw it was good." Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to there various kinds.'" So instead of God designing the plants to make them be different, he just commanded that they already be made different. "And it was so" As it always is with these kind of things. "The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good."\ Good job, God! "And there was evening, and there was morning-the third day." "And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark the seasons and days and years," They're obviously referring to stars...which were formed before the earth... "And let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth.' And it was so" Hold up! Wasn't there already light? "God made two great lights-the greater light to govern the day" Which was already there, because that's what we use to tell between day and night... "and the lesser one to govern the night." The moon was formed by a small piece of space-rock carving a big chunk out of the earth and then getting caught in our orbit. And you can see it during the day... "He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." which were already there. And they don't light the earth very well. "And God saw that it was good." But it wasn't "And there was evening, and there was morning-the fourth day." What about night? You did all that work just to skip over it? "And God said, 'Let the water teem with living creatures,'" Okay, good so far... "and let the birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky.'" You forgot the DINOSAURS! They came before birds!!! "So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds." So the water organisms evolved from cells into animals? "and every winged bird according to its kind." I'm going to ignore that... "And God saw that it was good." No, it's not good. You can't just go from swimming to flying, there needs to be some middle ground. "God blessed them and said, 'Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas," Oh, by all means, over populate the seas. "and let the birds increase on earth.'" No, forget the birds, they're creepy. "And there was evening, and there was morning-the fifth day." That takes more than a day. "And God said, 'Let the land produce living creatures according to there kinds:'" But the living creatures came from other living creatures. "livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind.' And it was so." First off, livestock is just wild animals that we domesticated. And "creatures that move along the ground," what does that mean? "God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good." They make it sound like he was following instructions: "each to it's own kind." Isn't that for God to decide? Here's the fun part. "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image," Who's "us?" "in our likeness," If we were in God's likeness, there would be no crime or war or hate. "and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over the creatures that move along the ground." But no the wild animals. And who's "them?" Did God make more than one? "So God created man in his own image," Oh, it didn't just happen this time? "in the image of God he created him;" You just said that... "male and female he created them." So now there's two... "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number;" A few million years later, He's gonna be sorry He said that. "fill the earth and subdue it." Or destroy it. "Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves along the ground.'" He said "rule," not "slaughter mercilessly and eat." "Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food." What about seedless fruit? Is that not aloud? "And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground-everything that has the breath of life in it-I give every green plant for food." And it was so." He didn't have to command the people to eat whatever they wanted, I think they could have figured that out... "God saw all that he had made. and it was very good." Not really, if you look at it now. I guess we just need a tune-up. "And there was evening, and there was morning-the sixth day." Here's what others have to say on the subject:

2009-06-29T15:40:00.001-06:00

2009-06-18T21:41:00.006-06:00

Violence? I want you to go to your TV. That's right, get up from your computer and push the button to make the big glowie box entertain you-not the one that you're looking at now--the one that doesn't have internet. If you have child, or sibling, between the ages of four and thirteen, you know they probably watch cartoons. Cartoons on channels like Nickelodeon, NickToons, Disney Channel, Toon Disney, and Cartoon Network. You might watch Cartoon Network sometimes, maybe after 10:30, that's beside the point. What I'm talking about are the afternoon cartoons. Now, for those still reading this, or don't want to watch cartoon, I'll briefly explain them, but really, you got to see this shit, it's crazy. What the kids of Canada, and America are watching when thy come home from an exciting (for them) day of school is a cheap, poorly animated, Japanese, rip-off, colourful kill-fest. The only thing that could possibly make these shows more graphically violent in the addition of blood, which would make the shows rating jump from PG to TV14, completely bypassing the ShamWOW-absorbing power of the minds of today's children. I know that these kind of things are affecting young people across the country because I have seen it. I have seen little kids, like five or six years old, sword fighting with pesticide flags uprooted from a nearby golf course on their way to school in the morning. In fact, I personally know a child in this age group, my nine year old cousin. And he said, "I like violence; violence is good." He was eight when he said that. And that was after I tried to stop him from kicking and punching my legs numb. And just for reference, this kid comes from a good, pacifistic family. Now it could be the TV that did this to him. It could be the video games, it could even be the people that he hangs out with (one of which allegedly went to juvie, according to him). I'm not pointing the blame directly at television, which has many good qualities like Discovery Channel. But through whatever influences come about...Do we really want our children growing up in such violent surroundings? I want to go back to my cousin's quote "...violence is good." I have often heard sayings like "violence isn't the the answer, it's the question: the answer's 'yes.'" But has violence ever solved anything--let me rephrase that: Has violence ever solved anything passed the point of needing more violence to solve yet another problem that arose from the previous violent solution. Okay, that made very little sense, even to me....Let's see if we can find an example... World War I, hopefully we all know at least a little about that. That was violent, needless to say. And when it was finally resolved over the Treaty of Versailles, Germany got mad and struck out and started another World War. (Thank you Mr. Findley's class) That is a huge example violence leading to more violence. If you don't know about the World Wars, that's okay, I've got a hypothetical example, too. Persia wanted to take over the world. They had the military force strong enough to do it, too. An army whose rumours spread faster than the news of what they've done. But the army wasn't just going to storm around and take over other nations. If you've seen 300, you'll remember that the Persians sent out a messenger to asked Leonidas if he would like Sparta to join the Persian Empire. I don't remember if the terms for being taken over were stated in the movie, but that's okay 'cause it actually happened. All Persia asked of the nations to do was submit to the Persian king and fight for them. It doesn't seem like much to ask for, not unlike moving to a new country; you get to keep your beliefs and practises and any of the other things that you want to keep. Yet, this was too much for the Spartans (and a lot of other people, too) so they did what any violence-based (my reference is, of course, to the nature of the Europeans fixation on war and sport at the time) society would do in that position. Confront the guy that delivered the seemingly exorbitant proposals, spit in his face, and kick him into a massive hole that is oddly placed in the city's square. These same European people went on to take over the world with a forceful hand, which is where I draw the this back to the original topic of violence. The Europeans spread through Africa, Asia, and the Americas in order to spread Christianity* to the world. It's not that the people of the world wanted Christianity, it's just the kind of thing that came along with being taken over by Europeans. Fast forward a few hundred years, and you'll see that a very strict and unfair governing arm would force colonies to try to break away from their European ruler, which they did violently. Fast forward to today and you'll see that these newly divided nations are at each others throats all across the world. So, to sum it all up, I've talked about violent influences, and our violent history. And it's easy to understand that this world is filled with violence. So the questions I want to leave you with are: "Do we want to change this and live in a peaceful world?" and "If we can change it, do we want to?" *And disease, slavery, plague, and war....

2009-06-18T19:49:00.002-06:00

2009-06-18T19:12:00.001-06:00